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can someone please get my dad some adderall?

7 Jun

my dad has some of the worst ADD of anyone i have ever met. he cannot pay attention for the life of him. i frequently have long monologues conversations with him, and when i ask him for his opinion at the end of the story, he’ll just sit there in silence. i’ll say, “daddd? daddddddd? jeffffffff? what do you think?” and he’ll look up and not only ask what i said, but he’ll ask if i even SAID anything. ridiculous. then i’ll repeat the story 8 times before he picks his head up from his blackberry/the newspaper he’s reading/the golf scorecard he’s analyzing/the club(s) (yes, 3 clubs these days- further proof that my dad is a ridiculous person) newsletters to see if any photos of him playing golf/tennis/paddle tennis/skeet shooting/socializing made the cut. then he’ll ask me to repeat myself. all day, everyday.

not only does my dad not listen in regular conversations, but he doesn’t even listen when we are talking about/to him about his lack of listening skills. he basically functions as a deaf person. he doesn’t like loud noises either though, which is a problem. no coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing too loudly, reenacting YouTube videos too loudly (which is a nightly occurrence at my house), etc.

we have a few nicknames for my dad, too. the problem is that he doesn’t even listen enough to realize that we’re referring to him. therefore, he never responds. he doesn’t respond to anything actually though, come to think of it. our favorite nickname for him is jason. we like to think of jason as his younger, hipper alter-ego (for example, he is jason when he’s wearing his super trendy agave jeans i made him buy). his real name is jefferson (i know, i know), so jason is just jefferson without the effer. occasionally we refer to him as fabio. please note that our animals also each have two names, but i’ll get to that in a later post.

one ridiculous thing my father did lately was ask me for incredibly basic information about my mother. keep in mind that not only have my parents have been married for 25 years, but they have also known each other for about 40 years (they met in high school). my dad was booking flights for a trip recently and he asked me for my mom’s CELL PHONE NUMBER, passport number, social security number, and BIRTHDAY. not only did he need the day, but he also needed the month and the YEAR. last year my health insurance didn’t work for a couple months because my dad told the company that my birthday was in april of 1989… not too far off from september 1991, i guess?

my dad also believed my sister and me tonight when we told him that the kitten got highlights, new mascara, and eyelash extensions. or maybe he just wasn’t listening…

xo charlotte

sorry i’ve been mia

21 May

unfortunately i was not on vaca like m (so jeal, btw!) but i have just been super busy i’ve barely even had time to facebook stalk people..whaaat??? i’ve basically been working at the rehab center which is over an hour away so i wake up everyday at 9 and don’t even get home til 5 or 6 on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. some highlights working there recently have been: i got to feed flying squirrels and bottle-feed baby deer!!!! we have 9 fawns now and we’re going to move them all down to the barn soon. some downsides working there recently: one fawn diarrhead in my hand ┬árecently—NOT FUN and i got attacked by a squirrel…some of them are SUPER aggressive!

so besides getting shit on by various animals including some squirrels and rabbits, i’ve also been picking up extra shifts at the burger joint i’ve worked at since my senior year. it sucks because i wear this visor and collared shirt and it’s so embarrassing when people i know come in to get food…the management also refuses to get the A/C fixed behind the counter where me and the other cashiers stand but the grill is right behind that so we feel all the heat from the flames. we’re not allowed to use our cell phones, or sit down, or lean on the counter. so basically it’s 5 hours of torture in over 100* weather where we are all sweating. nasty. i don’t understand why management doesn’t fix it because i’m sure customers are turned off by the fact that we are sweating all over their food…the only upside to working there is that they are the only place that will hire me back when i’m home for short intervals of time, and they work around my schedule. so i’m not complaining since a lot of my friends cannot find short term jobs. plus i’m friends with most of the other workers and i just got a pay raise!!!! woo!!!

so besides that any time i’m not sleeping, i’m seeing my friends. i haven’t seen a bunch of them still (and they are very annoyed because i keep ditching cus i have work and stuff — SORRY!!!) but i have hung out with some of them. i spent a night at marist with boof (not talking about that…). i’ve also seen bridesmaid and pirates 4D. pirates 4D = TOTALLY not worth $15. not worth the time to see it even. it sucked. period. but bridesmaid = sooooooo funny. had everything in it that i find hilarious…(aka sex, poop, and crying bitches). can’t wait to see hangover 2 and something borrowed. it’s depressing to think about though because i’m basically out $50 just in movies. why is everything so damn expensive. it just sucks cus i have to pay for all my own stuff including food, clothes and gas. fml.

besides that, today will be my sixth day as a vegetarian, and i have not been tempted by anything…yet. i have SO much to post about but just not enough time!!! i’ll try to post something funnier soon! hope everyone is having an amazing summer!!!

-Mary

ps: have been obsessed with this song lately. (it might be because in one month i’ll be turning 20 ahhhhhh)

more preppiness

18 May

it’s so exciting that my friends are starting to trickle home from school! i was the first of my friends to arrive home around 10 days ago, but now almost everyone is back. everyone is doing different things this summer. i’m interning in the city (more deets later!), but i have friends working on ranches out west, interning in everything from fashion to finance, working as camp counselors, helping senators out, etc.

one of my friends and sorority sisters from school, isabel, told me she’s interning at a store called signature style in wilton, ct. i had never heard of the store before, but naturally i googled it because i was curious about what it was. the store has a website you can order things off of, and it’s full of preppy monogramed things like pillows, blankets, candles, jewelry, aprons, etc. with summer coming up (and therefore lots of visits to friends’ beach houses and invitations to barbecues), i thought i’d pick some of my favorite items from the site that would be make great hostess gifts:

{bamboo blanket– $124}

{scented soy candle– $32}

{i LOVE these trays! so cute and SUCH a great deal. i cannot believe how affordable they are. 17″ x 7″ is $35, while 5″ x 9″ is 18}

{large waffle cosmetic bag– $25- these make great gifts for people of all ages. i gave something really similar for graduation gifts}

all of these items have multiple color, font, and thread options. personally, i prefer 3-letter monograms to 1-letter ones. i think all these items are so cute and affordable and would make great gifts for anyone (or even for yourself)! happy shopping!

xo charlotte