apparently we’ve been very naughty…

4 Jun

we’ve been bad bloggers this week. we’re sorry! we have definitely not been coordinating haha. plus, we’ve been very busy! i actually started this post on thursday night… problem. truthfully, i started my internship on wednesday! i’m working for a magazine, and we had a photo shoot on my first day! it was verrrrry cool. it is definitely a challenge going from having 100% free time to 0% free time. i am gone from my house from 7:30 am-7:30 pm (because i have to commute to the city), so it’s been a bit of a shock. however, i am really enjoying my internship!

i was SOOOO unbelievably nervous on tuesday night, the night before my first day. i had a big realization when i was lying in bed that night struggling to fall asleep. i don’t like to take risks. they scare me SO much. i am afraid of putting myself out there. even more, though, i’m deeply afraid of failure. i am a huge perfectionist, so anything less than “perfect” is unacceptable. i was worried that i wouldn’t know what to do, wouldn’t have the right skills, would mess up, they’d like the other intern more than me, etc. (sorry, that sentence is completely out of control grammatically). what if i couldn’t do something that people expected me to be able to do? how would i deal with it?

i think that’s why i always spent my summers in africa. it was safe for me. i didn’t have to put myself out there, and i had a place where it was excusable for me to go. i guess what i’m saying is that i like to be in control, and i can’t control what i don’t know. it makes me anxious to do things that aren’t “safe.” i don’t like putting myself out there. but it was time for me to grow up and get a real “job.” i can’t keep going to africa forever. i need to get experience and learn how to work.

this internship is a big leap of faith for me…

but you know what? it’s allllllll okay. i really like it so far. i think everything’s gonna work out after all.

xo charlotte

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