if you can’t drive get the F off the road

19 Mar

so there’s this stereotype that asian women drivers suck at driving, which is maybe why my white dad was extra strict about me driving a car even after i got my license for about a month til he made sure i could drive (great…even my own dad doesn’t have faith in me) but in actuality i am a GREAT driver (maybe because he was so strict) and i’m not bragging, it’s just a fact. i know i’m a good driver (and everyone says so ;) ) i haven’t gotten a ticket or into an accident in the last two years since i’ve gotten my license in which i’ve driven over 30,000 miles (and yes i am bragging about that). my parents think i’m reckless and my friends think i drive fast but i know where i can drive fast and where i can’t (which distinguishes a bad driver from a good one) but in case you’re wondering if you are a good driver or not let me enlighten you:

  • you’re not a good driver if you have to look behind you to switch lanes or merge, a good driver would know how to watch the mirror before and while merging/switching lanes to tell if a car is located in the blind spot
  • you’re not a good driver if you can’t make a left turn (this is pretty basic)…sometimes if there’s a lot of traffic you just gotta go for it, good drivers are aggressive when necessary but not all the time (and those people who make 3 right turns instead of making a left…wtf are you doing with your life?)
  • you’re not a good driver if you hug the rail on the highway or the curb on the street because you’re afraid of cars around you, you’re a good driver if you can hug the double yellow line without being in a different lane–other cars can move for you, a rail or a curb can’t. which brings me to my next point…
  • you’re not a good driver if you can’t drive next to a truck or a bus–they’re not going to hit you so stop freaking out, they’re in their own lane, which i totally forgot about this point
  • you’re not a good driver if you can’t drive on the highway!!! (this shocks me because the highway is a lot easier to drive on than in towns and cities–you have your own lane and you just gotta drive straight…duhh)
  • you’re not a good driver if you can only drive a small car or only drive a big car, a good driver can be versatile and know how to judge and use the size of the vehicle. a good driver can drive any car, and be able to park it and take clean turns, confidently. (don’t let the car own you and hummers btw-ew plz do everyone, including the environment and my eyes, a favor and get a new car)
  • you’re not a good driver if you can’t drive fast–i’m not advocating fast driving but you should be able to if it’s a highway with a speed limit of 65. that means you can go 75-80! afraid of driving fast, and being afraid of getting a ticket two completely different situations. if you’re not confident about driving a car fast, you’re probably not a confident driver.
  • and lastly, if you don’t know how to parallel park, you suck at driving. you probably only got your license cus the cones are ridiculously far apart but if you can’t park between cars please learn.

so if you sound like you’re not a good driver, you’re probably not a good driver–but that’s alright, a lot of people who can’t drive, drive anyways! and people who can’t drive is just one category of drivers that annoy me on the road. there’s TONS of others. just to name a few:

  • people who don’t put on their blinkers for ANYTHING (including switching lanes, getting off an exit, and turning onto the road that i’m on, off the road that i want to make a left on–thanks asshole i could’ve gone and now i have to wait another 5 minutes)
  • people who don’t turn their blinkers on while their on the highway after they switched it on (do you not hear that annoying blinking sound it makes…TURN IT OFF)
  • people who park diagonally in vertical parking spots (think of others please!)
  • people who park in the middle of two parking spots so that no car can park next to them (you’re just a douche and your car is more likely to get keyed than get a scrape from another car door)
  • people who drive in the left lane at the same speed as people in the middle lane (this is just rude..please switch to the middle lane and stop causing unneccessary traffic)
  • old people that drive BELOW the speed limit are a lot more likely to cause an accident than people who drive above it (once someone gets too old that they forget which pedal is the brake and which is the gas…it’s time to retire from driving)
  • people with STUPID bumper stickers (like my pre-schooler made the honor roll! OH WOW YOU’RE RAISING A GENIUS)
  • people who are talking on their cell phones but aren’t paying attention to when the light turns green or what they’re doing (i don’t mind cell phones as long as you’re not making me late cus you didn’t see your chance to take a right on red)
  • people who don’t take a right on red EVER or a left turn when there’s a small opening (…you’re a pussy…)
  • people who drive with pets on their lap (i mean there’s nothing wrong with this, but it’s just creepy seeing a big man stroke his little toy shit tzu or teacup dog while driving)
  • oh and i can’t forget…asian women drivers. yes i admit–they suck at driving. it’s amazing–anytime i drive anywhere with a majority asian-american population i’m afraid for my life. they are all the above and drive like they are the only ones on the road with no lanes, lights or signs. if you ever see one behind the wheel (except for me!), be afraid…be very afraid.

so as you see i have a lot of driving frustrations–probably because i drove over three hours today in bumper to bumper traffic to get to koreatown, new york and back home. after a couple heart attacks caused by some asian women i have made it home in one piece and i’m ready to go boarding tomorrow to enjoy the last of the snow..

sorry if you’ve just realized you’re a sucky driver and i offended you…but maybe you should practice your driving skills ;)

-Mary

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4 Responses to “if you can’t drive get the F off the road”

  1. The Rule of Three March 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm #

    is this aimed at me, mary hahahahahaha?!

    -charlotte

  2. The Rule of Three March 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

    do you think you’re a bad driver?

  3. Sammy March 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    what about people that get scared when they cant see the road over the hills? :)

  4. The Rule of Three March 23, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    i would just say those people are the best drivers cus they are being safe and making sure they get to their destination in one piece!

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